The Inner Critic
Imagine you're a spectator at a soccer game of 12-year-olds. You notice a father standing near the sidelines, intensely watching his son play. Every time the boy makes a mistake or doesn't perform perfectly, the father has something to say, sometimes loudly criticizing or giving unsolicited advice. You see the boy's body language change—initially, he tries harder, pushing himself to correct his errors. But the more he tries, the more mistakes he makes. With each mistake, the father's criticisms grow louder and more frequent.
As the game goes on, the boy's shoulders slump, his head hangs lower, and his energy wanes. By the time the game ends, the boy walks off the field slowly, avoiding eye contact, ignoring teammates' high-fives and words of encouragement. Even if the team has won and had success, the boy is so wrapped up in his own mistakes and perceived failures that he is unable to see the goodness that has happened. He takes his time gathering his things, dreading the inevitable conversation with his father, knowing it will continue in the car and at home.
You, the spectator, drive home in silence, pondering what you've witnessed. A voice in your head asks, "Why did you go to that game? What was the reason you were there?" Lying in your bedroom, you close your eyes, take deep breaths, and allow yourself to sit in stillness. Suddenly, the realization hits you—the boy and his father are a mirror of your own inner world. When you make mistakes or don't play well, your inner critic berates you just as harshly. You carry the weight of self-criticism throughout the game and beyond, mirroring the boy's defeated posture and avoidance of eye contact.
This revelation profoundly impacts you. You realize that witnessing the boy's experience was a lesson meant for you. You understand that the critical voice inside your head is like the boy's father, always present, always judging. You also realize that these voices are just thoughts—we have a tendency to believe they are true, but they are not the truth. Just as the boy doesn't deserve such harshness, neither do you.
Sitting in silence a while longer, you trust that more wisdom will come. You remember a lesson from a recent meditation session: when voices of doubt and self-criticism arise, you have a choice. You can indulge them and believe their harsh words, or you can acknowledge their presence, thank them for trying to protect you, and then let them go if they don't serve you in the moment.
Next time you're on the field and a mistake happens, when those critical voices start, say to yourself, "I hear you. Thank you for trying to protect me, but I'm not giving you any energy right now. I have a job to do." Shift your focus to the next play. As time goes on, you'll be able to shorten what you say to yourself. Eventually, you might just need to say "Thank you," "Not now," or "I have a job to do." If you need to do this 15 or 20 times a game or practice, that's okay. With consistent practice, your inner critic will fade, and your confidence will grow.
